just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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