Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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