the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
