Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
