Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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