So drunk its hurt
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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