well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I love having hate sex.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
