i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
