Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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