look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
