your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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