Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
