I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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