Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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