pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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