i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
