like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
