She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
