Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
