so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
