Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
