Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
