Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
