Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
