I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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