its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
what day is it and did you see me today?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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