My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
