she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
