Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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