i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
as a side note pls kill me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
