U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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