see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
