Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
