Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
