hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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