is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
