they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
should my penis look like a turkey
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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