On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
