I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
