What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize