that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
