To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The air was thick with penises
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
