No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
