My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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