I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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