I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
