The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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