Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
