yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
