We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we're making bets on your personal life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
