dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
