Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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