Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
do herpes really smell.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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