But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
