I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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