Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize