They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
