The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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