Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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