Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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