Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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