I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
