If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You're like the curious george of whores
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
