you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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