I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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