what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
