I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
