I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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