I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I just put wine in my tea
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
