I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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