the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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