he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
