i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
