I will die if light touches me.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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