I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
