I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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