Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
