Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
