Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize