At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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