please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
