You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
