i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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