I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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