Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
