Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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