I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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