We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
40s are totally the cure
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
