remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
