Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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