Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
