I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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