I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize