found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
