you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize