Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
