I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
