She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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