Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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