I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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