i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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