this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
