her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
