apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
