So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
