I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
