I just cut my nipple shaving
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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