Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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