I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
