your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
