if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
