Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Randomize
