Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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