We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
